Prayer: Put Up and Shut Up

To whomever is listening:

It’s me again. It seems like life is tossin’ me a bunch of crap and I'd much prefer you toss me something better, like a well deserved break or even a nice cold one from time to time. Aside from my personal problems you know already know about the Browns are forcing me to lose hope, the Buckeyes defense failed to show up in the big game just like my ‘A game’ failed to show up on my last date and all this reading for school is making me go mad; not to mention, now that I’m 28 my knees seem to be cracking more and my hair is thinner (Just out of curiosity why didn’t you create man to have a flawless mane like Beckham?).  I digress, you know this is all starting to become pretty overwhelming…

Too often we pray as if The Big Guy is our own personal therapist who is on call 24 hours a day. We unload our problems and ramble on about what’s on our minds. We act as if we’re talking to Dr. Phil who will magically give us instant feedback on how to get our life put back together. Our prayers often become a wish list of good health for the ones who are hurting and all the ‘what if’s’ in our lives, but when it comes down to it how often do we pause in prayer and let the One who is always lending an open ear add it’s two cents worth?

The beauty about prayer is that it’s powerful and the amazing thing about God is that there is always someone listening, but like any healthy relationship there must always be two way communication. It’s impossible to hear anything when we’re making all the noise and unfortunately it’s too easy for us to forget that. Do you hear what I'm saying?

We are told in Scripture that as we pray we must find that ‘inner room’ and close the door and pray to God in private. Meaning, that we are to find that place where we can be away from friends, foes and fears and find that place in our hearts to cry out to him sincerely and in secret. When praying we don’t need to babble or use many words because our Father already knows what we need before we even think to ask him (Matt 6: 5-8).

If we can just remember to simply pray and then listen we are eventually destined for hope, for guidance and for so much more. Maybe not today or tomorrow or when we'd like it to be 'due' by, but eventually. On God's time. First we must conquer praying with simplicity and with devotion so we can avoid a rambling ‘woe is me’, Dear Abby prayer. Then as we find that simplicity and purpose we have to shut our trap and listen…probably the hardest part. But hey, remember the Big Guy already knows what we need before we ask so let’s just start listening.

Until next time…

God the Comedian: An Eternal Last Laugh

An adaptation of my first major grad school paper, ‘Ideal Image of God,’ including references to the Incarnation, Trinity and Gift of Grace.

Every day it appears that a lot will take place that we don’t understand. Whether it’s another broken heart, a failed project at work or just a discouraging chapter of your life, there is a lot that is thrown our way that we ask “why” or question how God could allow it to happen to us. Like when you’ve begun dating someone and everything seems to be going so well. You pray that you’re making the right decision of being with her or that something can grow from this and that she might be blessed with clarity in her decision as well. Only to learn she met someone prior and things progressed, see you later dater or for unexplained reasons you decide to skip a show you’ve been waiting to come to town and you end up getting drinks, consoling a friend in need. It seems that we have times in our lives where we are berated by bad jokes by the Big Guy and when you least expect it, it all makes sense…eventually.

That is why God can be seen much like a really bad comedian. The kind where joke after joke you struggle to understand what’s going on. The type where you’re unable to comprehend the point and fail to grasp the purpose, but at the end of each set He closes with a real zinger – a real doozy of a joke that leaves you hungry for more and motivates you to go out to proclaim its greatness.

As Christians we know that God has done a lot of unexplainable things for the world, for the Church, and in our daily lives; many things we can’t even fathom when we experience them. The author of our Divine Comedy gave us the always confusing endowment of Free Will, created the Heavens and the earth, gave us the sun and the moon, and at one time experimented with the concept of the duck billed platypus. But what may be one of the most impressive of God’s contributions towards our lives is what I’ll refer to as the opening act of the routine: The Incarnation.
The Incarnation was the moment when the Word – God’s message – was made flesh so that we might know His love for all of us. The Word became the model of holiness; a real life model to emulate. We passionately profess this belief in the Incarnation when we confess in the Nicene Creed “for us men and for our salvation He came down from heaven; by the power of the Holy Spirit, he became incarnate of the Virgin Mary, and was made man.”

According to the Catechism, the Word became flesh for us “in order to save us by reconciling us with God, who ‘loved us and sent His son to be the expiation for our sins’” (Catholic Church 457). Because there would be many times in our lives where we would falter to our fears and cave to our temptations we were given this real life example of how to live out our lives. Much like a 3D version of “The Idiots Guide to Living a Holy Life”, God gave us The Teacher of all teachers; the most righteous of role models for us to imitate in our daily lives. So that not only would we have the Word to follow, we were given the way, the truth and the life in His only son, Christ. We as one Church are called to live the life that God showed us in word and in flesh, which brings us to God’s shtick of the great comedic routine.
It is through the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) that we experience God in three forms. This can be seen not just as the shtick, but as the avenue in which the punch line and routine are lived out throughout the entirety of the routine. God knew we would struggle throughout our lives with many of the hurdles put before us and the word became flesh so that we might know God’s love. Instead of sitting in the comforts of His apostolic palace in the clouds, laughing at our regular bouts of ridiculousness, we were given God’s love through The Word, His only son and through the Holy Spirit. We know that God chose to reveal Himself and make known to us – and for us – the hidden purpose of His will. The Vatican II document Dei Verbum tells us that it was through Christ that the Word was made flesh so through the Holy Spirit, we as followers would have access to the Father and ultimately come to share in the divine nature of God’s presence in our lives (DV #2).

As we struggle to grasp our shortcomings, we are given all the tools to attempt to handle the difficulties. With the help of the Father’s Word and the example of His son, it is the Holy Spirit that can guide us to a better understanding of what mountains lay before us; never leaving us on our own to conquer them. Although at times it will feel like we are inching closer to the edge of that mountain or that we’re to go it alone on a deserted island to fend for ourselves, we always have our Mickey yelling at us from the corner of the ring as we go fifteen rounds with life (Rocky Balboa reference #1) it just takes time to hear it.

A story comes to mind that I recently heard from a young woman who is working as a missionary with NET. She had mentioned that her younger brother, who once was a believer and devout Catholic, turned away from his faith just as many young adults do. For years she prayed for him to come back to his faith and would frequently encourage her brother to open his ear to God’s call. Then one sleepless night he had a dream where Jesus made a guest appearance. Christ entered his dream that night and told the young man that He is with him wanting him always and to come back the Lord. The next morning he awoke and with no explanation, aside from the dream, believed once again.

It is moments like that dream which exemplifies God’s presence through the Holy Spirit. It is through a dream, a moving conversation with a friend (even when missing a quality show you were dying to see), or a gracious act of a stranger when we least expect it, that reminds us that the Holy Spirit is present in our lives always. It is the Holy Spirit that humbles us at the end of a bitter onslaught of craziness that comes our way. Just another way the Lord will continue to throw so much our way, but be there for that last laugh as it hits us that He is along for the rollercoaster ride with us.
Like every good standup routine there comes the closer, the takeaway, the spirit of the set that stays with you after the experience. In this case it comes in the form of God’s grace. In order for us to grow in our faith “the grace of God and the interior help of the Holy Spirit must precede and assist, moving the heart and turning it to God,” (DV #5) which opens our eyes in time of need and fills our hearts with joy in times of sorrow. We all come across rough patches in our lives that leave us empty and lost, afraid of what might be, but according to Gaudium et Spes it is only by the aid of God's grace that we can bring such a relationship with God into full flower (GS # 13).

It is through experiencing God fully in the Trinity that we can receive His grace and like a good joke we then take it to share with others. As we proclaim the joke or an experience of God in our life, we share God’s grace. “Grace works in an unseen way” (GS #31) in the hearts of all those we meet. Since our calling is to live a divine life here on earth we are to believe the “Holy Spirit, in a manner known only to God, offers to every man the possibility of being associated with this paschal mystery” (GS #32).

Too often do we as followers of God find ourselves blinded by the hesitations and disbeliefs of what is taking place in our lives. Yet God calls out in the Gospel of John “my sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand” (John 10: 27-28). How many times do we fail to hear the punch line and see the point? We bear to withstand a barrage of bad jokes only to be struck in our heart the passionate punch line of God’s hope and joy.

A couple of years ago I found myself out east backpacking the White Mountains. A month removed from being a youth minister and recently out of a devastating relationship I questioned God every day. One day as I sat meditating at the summit of Mount Washington I found myself engulfed in a thick afternoon fog so I closed my eyes and prayed some more. I asked “Lord, how can I continue going on if I don’t ever get a sign from you that I’m doing what you want me to be doing?” What felt like hours later I opened my eyes to find that the fog had lifted, the sun shone brightly and a bald eagle flew before me. There was my sign and there was God ending His set for me with the zinger that left me breathless and my veins full of His grace after taking on a bitch of a beating for months. It was as if Christ spoke not just in Scripture but to me through the Holy Spirit on the mountain and said, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matt. 14:31).

Whether God is actually the greatest comedian of all time, but we fail to understand the buildup before the punch line, or if it’s simply that God is just a really bad comedian who ends with a real zinger - one thing is for sure, we are loved. No matter what is tossed our way we are never to go it alone. Through the Grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit we are continually led by our Creator and shown the way through the Word, examples Christ lived for us, and in the grace shared through those around us. Although there is still a lot of questions left unanswered and what feels like lonely mountains to climb, I'm assuming the punch line of the second coming can only be pretty epic.



Until next time...

An Ode to Grad School...and a lack of a social life

The best journeys answer questions that in the beginning you didn't even think to ask.

This fall I began grad school to study theology. Through the next couple of years of late nights studying, countless hours with my nose in books and spending money I don't have, I will earn a piece of paper saying I am a theologian. For me this will be a journey that will truly test my faith, strengthen my relationship and make me question my Church. Unlike other grad programs this will be a field that will encompass more than just one's self academically, but so much more. It will shape the essence of my whole self in the most authentic and spiritually demanding ways that I can think of.

Yvon Chouinard, founder of Patagonia, said in one of my favorite documentaries 180 Degrees South something I'll carry with me through this next chapter of my life. He said that while on a journey you must engulf your whole self in the the truest sense to fully experience all it has in store for you. He brought up the hard truth of those who fake their way through the ultimate journey (in this case climbing Everest) saying that many high powered plastic surgeons and CEO's shell out loads of money to take an easy way up Everest; getting everything from ropes laid out in advance to mints on their pillows. He goes on to say that "the whole purpose of planning something like Everest is to effect some sort of spiritual and physical gain and if you compromise the process, you're an asshole when you start out and you're an asshole when you get back."

Today I face my Everest. I stand at the foot of this massive mountain of doubt, struggle and reward, and currently I am unable to see the summit or anything that resembles my mountaintop. As I begin to build upon a sturdy foundation of my faith I am challenged to climb my Everest, the study of theology. It's time for me not just to purchase books and write papers, but have my spiritual and physical gain, remaining authentic through my experiences and disciplined during the process or I risk beginning as an asshole and walking across that stage in a couple years to be handed a piece of paper reminding me I'm still an asshole...and broke.

The fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all...when the journey seems to throw switchbacks your way and it all becomes too much, that is when the adventure begins. As I begin to take on my Everest I am thankful for the support of friends and family, the grace flowing freely through this process and for having a hell of a good pair of hiking boots to tackle such a mountain.

Goodbye social life. Hello opportunity. Farewell fun weekend and greetings coffee shops and hipster baristas (oxymoron?). This is grad school. This is my Everest and I intend not to compromise the process.



Until next time...

The Crosswalk Conundrum

Last night I was riding my bike home from the library along one of the area's busiest roads. Anyone who knows me can vouch that I choose to ride as much as I can to complete errands, work out or just for fun. Although I was crossing the street with the 'walk' symbol, I nearly got taken out by a car turning on red that ironically sported a bright yellow "Look Twice for Bikes" bumper sticker on the back window. I'm not sure what stuck out more about the driver's interest in biking, his cautionary bumper sticker or his bike that was in tow, securely fastened to the bike rack. None the less my near brush with death came from the same tights wearing, Lance Armstrong wannabe who shares the love of the open road like me. A kindred spirit who understands the frustrations and dangers of cycling on the cement raceway of back country roads, yet who failed to practice what his bumper sticker - and ultimately his overall personal belief - preaches: Look twice for bikes.

It's like when you are driving on the highway and a Mom in a minivan comes blaring past you and shoots you a mean glare and a few choice words, because you were only doing five over in the fast lane. Yet as she speeds past you her silver fish emblem on the back of her four wheel chariot stares you down in joyous, loving humiliation and her bumper sticker asks "What Would Jesus Do?". In similar fashion, we all have folks in our lives who broadcast their faith by acting all high and mighty while leading committee after committee at Church, school and in other extracurriculars, but on Saturday morning are the ones going nuclear on the soccer ref because their little Messi doesn't know a goal from a hole in the ground.

Just the other day a friend had mentioned to me how a close girlfriend of hers had been involved in her Church years ago. She said that her friend and her husband had been on committees, helped at Mass almost weekly and knew most, if not all, of the parishioners. Her friend's husband cheated on her and ultimately left her...so did her Church "friends."

The sad truth is we often forget what we have had preached to us and what we preach towards others. Much like the bike enthusiast who nearly drove me off the road in his Volvo, we forget the things we try to live out daily (i.e. Look Twice for Bikes...unless I'm in my own car). We've all heard these stories of reasons why friends or family members have left a Church because the Church turned on them. When in all reality the Church never did anything. The dutiful 'disciples' of the Church did. It's the ol' mentality of "I'll practice what is preached only when it is convenient for me...or else I'll do what I want."

If we are truly called to love one another (John 13:34) and know that love is of God; and every one that loves is begotten of God(1 John 4:7) then it is time to live it. Not when it fits into our schedule or helps us to gain support, but in all circumstances. It's time to live out what we broadcast to others. Live. A. Life. Worth. Loving.

So your bumper sticker says "What Would JC Do?" I'll tell you what he'd do, he'd love always, often and upon everyone. Your JC bling you wear every day broadcasts for all to see your unyielding love and admiration for the guy and that you are not just invested in a lot of accessories, but you're a disciple. Committed to his teachings, a believer in his ways and a lover of all. Great, now live it. And let's say your car sports a bike rack, fancy road bike and a bumper sticker that says "Look Twice for Bikes"...then I strongly suggest you look twice for bikers. Don't preach it when you're on your bike and forget it behind the wheel of your Volvo. It's time for us all to look twice, live once and love always.


Until next time...

The Grad School Stranglehold of Grace

The other night I finished my financial aid papers for grad school. My evening consisted of sifting through mind numbing paperwork and filling out government forms about student loans. On the eve of putting a studies induced stranglehold on my spending and a stop payment on my Adventure Fund, I also received my first bill from the university. If filling out all those forms about how much I’ll owe wasn’t enough to make my palms sweaty, stomach turn and my wallet shed some pounds the $2,000 initial payment did the trick.

All evening I second guessed my decision and stressed about my financial future for the foreseeable future. My mind raced quicker than the loans will be filed. “What did I get myself into,” I asked myself repeatedly. “Is this even the right ‘next step’ for me?” I asked. Since I’m going to study Theology this better be what the good Lord intends that I do. Needless to say it was an exhausting evening.

As I attempted to gather myself I was interrupted by a text from a teen that I had often met with while serving as Youth Minister. She would always come to events, asked great questions, made my job hell at times and would have weekly office visits to unload her thoughts, opinions and stresses of being a high schooler. She just ‘wanted to say hi,’ but past conversations that started like that indicated more than that. I asked how she was doing, and after hearing a generic response, I asked again, only to learn that her high school stress was now the realities of a life of a young woman dealing with much more as a young adult.

In respect to her I’ll skip much of the details and simply say that she faces many grueling mountains I could not even bare to ever face. I was empathetic to things going on in her life and for nearly two hours we texted back and forth. It wasn’t until I was lying in bed later on that I realized that our conversation had completely calmed my nerves from earlier. Here I was questioning my decision of going back to school for a degree that to many seems useless. It was the humbling way of having the Big Guy share His grace in my Life and that subtle, yet in your face, sign that maybe I should work on the whole 'surrendering thing' that He calls us to do.

As I spent an evening questioning Him and what I think He wants me to do He gave me that gentle jab to my ego to remind me that it is His will that shall be done. The most loving and compassionate I have felt in quite some time came at the tail end of an evening that was full of second guessing, anxiety and the fear of the unknown in my future. Then my mind was quieted, my heart opened and myself humbled. It's funny how things work out and how He works in our lives.

I've always said that the Big Guy is like a comedian...a really, really bad comedian. The kind where the jokes don't make sense or often times it takes a long time to think about the punchline. But after an onslaught of bad jokes he ends his set with a real zinger. The anticipated bazinga moment leaving you smiling and full of life. In this case I'm still deciding if this is the first of many one liners before the zinger or if this is this just the opening act. Either way I'm just excited to be here for the act.


Until next time...

Livin' la Vida...?

Here's a morbid, yet fun thought (in a twisted kind of way): Have you ever thought about how you might one day die? Seriously, think about it. When I left work today a nice thunderstorm rolled in. Bright bolts of lightening electrified that gusty late afternoon sky and I couldn't help but think to myself what if I were to get struck right here, right now by lightening? That would straight up suck. Game over. That simple, somewhat unsettling question made me think though. How will I one day die? Would it be in a stampede of wild animals off on a hike somewhere (that's an honorable and manly way to go), would it be heroic final act or would it be peaceful. Beyond the sickening thoughts another popped into my mind. However I may one day go, how will I be remembered? How will the way that I lived my life shape my legacy?

Think about it...really, just think about those two questions.

Frank Sinatra tells us that we have to "enjoy livin' cuz dyin' is a pain in the ass" and "that's life." But is it. Another interesting thought came into my mind earlier today. If someone asked me today "what do you do for living?" how would I answer that question? Again, think about that one. Chew on it for a minute. Would you state your profession. "Well, I'm a (fill in the career..." or would you say "You know what? I never gave it much thought."

I thought about that today and I haven't settled on one good answer. It's too tough. On the surface the easiest answer(s) would be that I'm an events coordinator and I'm a youth minister (kinda). But in all reality that's not 'my living.' I know the government tells me to live to pay taxes and keep the country running. I'm told by society to live to work, to marry and to one day retire. I know that spiritually I'm called to offer myself as a 'living sacrifice,' to worship and not conform my life to this world, but to discern the will of God (Romans 12:2) and blah blah blah.

Because this thought followed me most of the afternoon, coupled together with the thought of being struck by lightening and the legacy I'd leave behind, I realized what I believe to be the start of what my living is:

What do I do for a living? Well, first off I live. I live each day in case it were my last, like I might not wake up tomorrow morning. I live each day to love (unless you're a gal I've gone out with and never called me back), to serve those in need and please those around me, those I meet and everyone else I may stumble across. I might not always be patient, appropriate or friendly, but sure as hell give it the old college try. For a living I attempt to be a compassionate companion in the rat race of life (unless you tailgate me). I live to learn from my mistakes (and I'm sorry to those I've hurt along the way or failed). My living is to one day find all the riches of the world, achieve my purpose and pass the final exam of life that determines if my 'living' was truly lived out... to get into the country club high in the sky known as Heaven. For I know that all things work for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28).

In the wise words of Mr. Ricky Martin we should be "livin' la vida loca," also known as live the crazy life...for me it's to livin' la vida Lofy, livin' the Lofy life (whatever that may be). Today, think about your life and what you do for a living. What's the legacy you'll live behind; Based off the life you lived how will you be remembered? Think about it and when it starts to make sense think about it some more, because you don't know. I'm still thinking away. Smoke is coming out of my ears right now I'm thinking so hard and I've already begun to write amendments and edits to what my living is. And remember just keep livin' la vida...



Until next time...

Social ME-Di-UH!

It’s not news to hear that Social Media rules our day and age. Look at any print advertisement and you’ll see an accompaniment of logos for Social Media sites. We’ve become consumed by the craze, which for some has become second nature behind breathing and eating. Professionally we believe that the more Social Media the more support from consumers. Personally, we believe the more we update the world on our love life, personal accomplishments and motivating song lyrics the more satisfied we feel…like we are some sort of D-list celebrity with important things to share with the world. A friend recently posted that “Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it and nothing has changed.” Social Media has become a constant in our daily lives and our daily lives have been constantly planned around Social Media.

It’s also no surprise that as we broadcast to the world, and to our ‘friends’ that follow us, we also open ourselves to the risk of a world of hurtfulness and all the stressing over how we stack up towards our friends, all the while diluting our ability to actually be able to handle true relationships with others. I think my friend’s post was wrong. Facebook is like the fridge of a bachelor (i.e. Me), I’ll keep putting food into it and keep checking it, but it always leaves me empty.

If it’s so easy to open up to ‘friends’ and complete strangers through Social Media why is it such a struggle for many to warm up to broadcasting our thoughts, thankfulness and temptations to someone who truly follows us every hour of every day? He tells us that whether He remains seen or distant in our own lives we should strive to conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of the faith of the gospel (Phil 1:27-28). It is only when we draw near in confidence towards His grace that we may one day receive His mercy and find His grace in our time of need (Hebrews 4: 16). The man is practically an inspirational status update generator for those pick me up quotes when we’re down…and the best part is we don’t have to sign in to read them, there’s no passwords keeping us from them and there’s no pesky updates we don’t understand because His grace hasn’t changed for two thousand years.

As technology grows, Social Media becomes more and more ingrained in our daily lives. The faster life picks up the more stress we put upon ourselves to keep up with these needs. The more stressed and stretched thin, the easier it is to consume ourselves with the needs of x, y and z. With that brings personal pain, social stresses, loneliness and the abandonment of our pride. Now is the time for us to pull back from the poking, posting and pain of Social Media and begin forming true relationships, one’s that don’t leave us empty. Relationships built on love, compassion and purpose. It is the Holy Spirit who says, “I love those who love me (Proverbs 8:17),” “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest (Exodus 33:14),” and the One who says “through prayer be social with me, duh! (This guy).”

You Can Learn A Lot About Faith From Inside A Mosh Pit

If you've ever been to a hard rock concert you know that there are customary things that you'll be forced to endure. First, you're going to see an onslaught of angry, confused looking teens that strive to look different than their classmates, but look just like their best friends, or you'll see twenty somethings still dressing like a teen doing all the same stuff and most likely works at a coffee shop as a barista. Next, you'll feel you walked into a Converse shoes convention with every pair of Chuck Taylors ever made being modeled and that's a guarantee. Lastly, you'll leave amped up, sweaty, partially deaf and of course, there will always be a mosh pit that breaks out...and no mater where you're standing you'll be tossed in.

While I was hiking and (responsibly) drinking my way through Denver we went to see the band Trapt play a show. For those of you who don't know who Trapt is, or you're having a flashback to high school and the late 90s,they were a hard rock band that had three big hits when I was about 15. The show was only 10 bucks and a unique way to enjoy the final night in the city that captured my heart. Song after song the pit grew larger and a bit more vibrant. As the rambunctious group of rockers continued to flail about and push each other around one brave soul walked around the center of the madness and scoffed at what was happening around him. This big dude just stood tall amidst the festivities of the pit, stayed his course and did his own thing. The best part...no one dared to bump into him as he walked among the madness.

I respected the crap out of him for doing that. If that were me, I would have been knocked down the moment I stepped in. But he went about his business and did his own thing. What I saw stuck with me. Here's a guy surrounded by chaos and disorder, but it didn't phase him. The fear of being knocked down or humiliated didn't stop him. On the drive after the show I admired the Denver skyline as much as I did this cat as I reflected of what I saw.

Every day of our lives we struggle with the stessers we face and we falter to our fears, all the while making it so damn hard to stay the course. It's like we're stuck smack dab in the middle of a mosh pit, being pushed around, taking elbows to our pride and frequently getting knocked to our knees. Some times it's a chore to find the motivation to just pick yourself up. It's at those times I wish I could be more like the Hulk-asourous that braved the pit and all the painful abuse that surrounded him. It becomes such a spiritual struggle when you are constantly being pushed around and faced with constant gut checks. It's those times we have to remind ourselves that we have the strength to take on everything that is thrown our way because we are empowered through Him (Phil 4:11). That when we struggle to walk tall among the ruthless 'moshiness' that is all around us we must rely on the Big Guy and His mightiness as we seek Him through it all(1 Chronicles 16:11).

Watching that guy during that set inspired me. I know, I know, it was just some dude at a rock concert. For all I know he could have been driven by beer muscles or be a bully looking to fight or just straight up dumb, but he manned up and stayed strong with everything around him. Most likely not afraid to be bumped around or knocked to his knees. If you're like me, that's my fear. Being knocked to my knees and taking the initial hit and then the hit to the pride, but it's not so bad. I can think of someone else who had fallen to his knees, not once, not twice, but thrice. He was able to pick himself up and keep going. Just like I should and how you should.

May we always be strong in our faith and steadfast in our ways. No matter the amount of craziness surrounding you in your life, may you walk tall. And let us not grow tired of doing good, for in due time we shall reap our harvest, if we do not give up (Galatians 6:9) no matter how hard we are knocked down or how often we take the hits.



Until next time...

The Garden of Weedin'

This spring I took on a new endeavor of getting a plot in a local community garden. After cooking all winter with 'fresh' veggies and herbs from the store I would have a trash can full of wrappers and a recycling bin piled high with cans. Then it hit me that it would be so cool to take on a garden...until I stood at the edge of the garden for the first time and had to weed the damn thing.

When I visited the plot after some time away an entire forest of greenery had grown around my plants. I knelt on the hard, cracked dirt to pull weeds around my 'harvest.' As I fought off the discomfort of kneeling for a couple hours on a thin piece of foam it dawned on me how unbelievably frustrating this whole thing seems. In the grand scheme of things a 20x20 plot is truly nothing, but doing it alone - and without a clue of what I'm doing - seems damn near impossible.

The ground was tough to break through and the dense weeds appeared to stand taller, as if sticking its chest out in the air to boast that it had beaten me. The moment that I thought I was making progress I looked beyond the three foot radius of my initial assault on the annoying agriculture only to see that I had another 391 square feet to go. It was discouraging, demoralizing and worst of all, painful. I felt alone on a tiny dirt island of doubt thinking that maybe I had taken on too much as I was surrounded by a sea of green leafy weeds.

Near the end of my late afternoon’s work, I arrived at my final plant. A hot pepper plant, standing nearly one foot tall. On it, hidden underneath a flawlessly shaped leaf, was the tiniest little thing that almost resembled a miniature pepper. A pepper that two weeks ago did not exist and around that plant was the intoxicating aroma of the spicy cilantro from nearly three feet away.

When I had finished weeding I watered the little guy and the other sprouting veggies, herbs and melon surrounding it. Then it hit me that maybe, just maybe, all the sweat, pain and sun could be worth it. That even through the pulling of the weeds (that will grow back in a few days) and muscling through the man eating garden spiders and laughing off the old retired men at the plots around me laughing at my attempts to garden, just maybe this will be blossom into a bountiful harvest. An end of summer reward for all the long hours, hot days and frustrating fun in the sun.

Our faith is a lot like my garden endeavor if you think about it. In order to have a great harvest you can't just sprinkle a little water on your plot every once in a while and expect a great outcome; much like you can't pray every once and again to expect miracles or a relationship with God to blossom in your life. In attempting to grow spiritually you will feel weak and intimidated, lost and alone, doubtful and distraught, just as any true warrior of the top soil may feel taking on the forest of constantly growing weeds. Our weaknesses towards certain temptations creep up as quick as those weeds; that no matter how many times you pull them, and no matter what you do to treat them, they always seem to creep their way back.

In Matt we read that the harvest is “abundant but the laborers are few (Matt 9:37).” There is so much goodness for us to receive in our own lives as long as we are following the righteous path and living a life full of love, but so few willing to take on the task. The harvest can be daunting, overwhelming and lonely, much as it was when I first stepped foot in the plot overwhelmed by what stood before me. I went into the task of gardening knowing that I’d pull some weeds, water some plants and boom…I’d have food. But it’s not that easy nor that simple, just like our faith. In our own lives we know exactly what it is we need to do (on paper) to be happy, to love and to get into Heaven, but we still become overwhelmed by the realization that we actually don’t know how to do it properly. The Bible, just like a Gardening for Idiots book, explains to us what to do along the way and how to overcome many different challenges, it’s just a matter of us properly following what has been shared and then applying it daily.

Even the best of gardeners and farmers have a lousy harvest from time to time and even the most disciplined of theologians struggle spiritually. It’s just a matter of us trying to keep those pesky weeds and weaknesses at bay by getting to them at their roots. And to do more than just sprinkle a little water from time to time or pray when we only want something. We must overcome the weeds in our lives and love daily, even through the hate, the disgust and the pain. It is then, and only then, that along our path we may see the fruits of our labors and see how truly abundant the harvest truly is. It just takes overcoming one weed at a time.



But we must always remember that no matter how many weeds surround our harvest and no matter how much we must endure to see the fruits of our labor

The Sunbury Speedway Incident

On my way home from work a few Fridays ago I was cut off by an SUV. My drive to and from work takes me along a wonderful four lane road that has a grassy median and a breathtaking view of a lake. During my drive this guy sped up to tailgate the person in the lane next to me then proceeded to cut into my lane only to hit the brakes due to slowing traffic up ahead. In a calm, yet defensive manner I hit the brakes and as I put my hands up in the air let out a "Come one.”

Seeing my displeasure, the Mario Andretti of the yuppie mobile slowed down -10 under the speed limit to be exact - and gave me a single finger salute of endearment. I laughed it off as I attempted to pass him to avoid his petty game only to have him speed up, boxing me in with the car next to me.

On the remainder of my drive home my wheels turned in my head as fast as the ones on my car. What will be my next post, I thought. The past weeks I've spent so much time in personal reflection and discernment about my life and the direction I'm "called" and "wanting" to take, as well as my writing and what the next step will be for me. I’m nearly finished with the application process for grad school and I’m beginning my search for a literary agent for my manuscript, among a few other life adventures. But here's what I pondered after my classroom session in the confines of my car:

It's funny how in life parents give kids a time out for their tomfoolery, teachers can toss out detentions to students for being dumb, during a guy’s night you can pull a buddy’s ‘Man Card’ for acts that are less than manly or for acts that are weak-sauce-applesauce…or for any man who ever says something as stupid as weak-sauce-applesauce.

But wouldn’t it be great to be able to pull out the ‘You’re a Dumbass’ card to give to someone when they’re… a dumbass and be able to do it without fear of being beaten up or retaliated against. What about if you could have the ability to shrink someone - like in the game of Mario - so that after someone commits an act of doochery you could press a button and shrink them to about two inches high for about five minutes so you can literally walk all over the person who attempted to walk all over you…or in my case, who nearly caused an accident.
Or, better yet, wouldn’t it be great if people just exhibited a bit more humility?

In the book Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis wrote that “true humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.” It's so simple to say, yet so challenging to live out, but just imagine the world we live in if there was more humility exhibited. A world where people thought less about their own self-interests and focused more on how they could better the others around them.
There wouldn't be as much crime, war and hate. There would be more married couples than divorced and single. Governments could learn to work with and support one another...and properly, not politically, support their own citizens. It is through humility that we can put aside ourselves to better love, serve and lead others.

One of my favorite writers, Ralph Waldo Emerson, put it in simpler terms saying that “a great man is always willing to be little.” Imagine the humility it takes to back down after being run off the road or being walked all over at work or being one upped by your friend who is a one upper. Being the bigger person also means being the one to take a step back and at times swallowing your pride. If that doesn’t work you could always whip out your “You’re a Dumbass card.”

Temperance Can Kiss My Assisi

I led a small group during a high school retreat earlier this year consisting mostly of freshmen guys and gals. We had an exceptionally spirited conversation about weaknesses and worries in regards to our faith.

“What is keeping us from growing in our faith?’ I asked the group.

Everyone shared text book responses just barely skimming the surface of the topic. Then out of a nowhere came the most profound statement that stopped the conversation in its tracks. This young man - a shy, sometimes awkward freshman boy - interrupted and shared with what has kept him from growing in all aspects of his life.

"I think the biggest thing keeping me from growing personally and spiritually in my life is temptation," is how he began. I figured he was going to list off all the big ones I've heard time and time again on retreats. The same old anger towards parents, lust, contributing to rumors and gossip, pornography, the list goes on. He continued, "Not just temptation as a whole, but the temptation to wait until tomorrow."

Bam, this from a fourteen year old who hasn't even experienced the roller coaster ride of hormones, testosterone and strife most adults have to endure to achieve such deep discernment. Like most people, I drag my feet and push the important items to tomorrow or the weekend. For example, the application for grad school that I’ve put off since January and the three years of discerning that prolonged it all. The second round edits to my manuscript that I’ve put off for a few months now to send to potential literary agents.

"I think the worst mistake we can make in our lives,” continued the pimply faced preacher, “Is to give into that temptation where we think we can 'do it' tomorrow, whatever it is we put off. For me, it's deepening my relationship with the Lord."

We all have our own personal struggles and weaknesses. Some of us have our own demons that we wrestle with daily. The simple truth is that we are all faced with our own temptations and we fall victim to them more than we’d like to admit.

It was said that St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals, the environment and being a complete bad ass, was just like any male who struggles of suggestions of impurity. At times of weakness he would roll around in the snow to fight off falling to his temptations and if wasn't winter he'd just toss himself unto a thorn bush. Although I respect his discipline, I'm not sure I'd ever cause physical harm to myself, or risk pneumonia, to avoid losing the mini battle to temptation, but in order to fight temptation we need more than just good intentions, because even those grow weak.

The steps he took were a tad hardcore, but truly inspiring. In order for us to fight the good fight and win against temperance we must start by taking a page out of his holy play book. Find that motivating factor that keeps us strong at those moments we feel the weakest.

St. Francis was a simple man, with a simple mission, to walk in the footsteps of Christ. Yet he still struggled with his battles with temptation. We all do. We’re only human. What is it that you’re struggling with and tempted by the most? Once you can accept your weakness and can consciously agree that you want to persevere then you need to kick its Assisi and not be tempted to wait until tomorrow.

The Cardinal Rule: Break through the Damn Glass

Tonight before scripture study I stopped in the sanctuary to pray. As I knelt before the Tabernacle my prayer was interrupted by a loud tap on the glass of the window behind me. It didn't keep me from my deep reflection of my life, my struggles and the stresses of my life today. Just as I felt it was getting somewhere the loud tap turned into a flutter of banging against what ended up being the window of the emergency exit door. After pausing my prayer, and the progress of unloading my feelings, I turned towards the far back corner of the Church.

A curious cardinal hovering outside the door was staring inside the Church. Every few seconds the fire truck red bird would make a dash towards the Church only to be swatted away by the glass of the door. After a few moments of being discouraged, rattled and attempting to catch his breadth the feathered friend tried again...and again to no avail. After watching this guy for nearly ten minutes attempt to get in, rest upon the pine tree, try again, hover while fighting his displeasure and trying again, he flew off. He had had enough.

My prayer didn't come in the form of a conversation with God tonight. It came through the cheeky sense of humor from the Big Guy as I witness a concussed bird attempt to break into the Church. That cardinal, was me, and that cardinal was you. Like that cardinal we so often see what it is we need to do to become a better person spiritually, professionally and personally. Like that cardinal we know what we must do to follow that righteous path or to become a better husband or wife but are kept form doing so. Like that cardinal we see those things, but can't seem to get their because there's this glass wall that separates us from point A to point B. The window that allows us to see our destiny, but is the barrier of truly living out our beliefs. Just like that cardinal we try and try and try, then get discouraged.

But the difference between us and that cardinal is that we have strength. We have love. We have a heart that burns with passion. We have been taught that perfect love trumps fear and we see that in the love and life of Christ that we are called to imitate. Being equipped with a love that conquers fear we can break through that damn wall that keeps us from our path.

For me it's figuring out "the next step" in my life as I discern my options and fears of grad school. It's also in the form of knowing where I'd like to see my writing go, but being afraid of the path I must follow to get it there. What is that wall keeping you from conquering in your life? Where is it you're supposed to be? Why are you still banging your head against it?

That bird got discouraged after ten minutes of beating his head against the door...I know the feeling...I tend to beat myself up over a lot of things. What that cardinal didn't know was that I had walked closer to the door and could have let him in, but he flew away before I could help. We have someone waiting on the other side who will never give up on us and is always calling us to enter in. Let nothing hold you back, no matter how many times you fail to break through the glass door that is holding you back.


Until next time...

And The MVP of this Year's Super Fool? This Guy!

The Super Bowl has become a staple of pop culture in America. The grand finale for crazed fans to pack the coliseums to watch their favorite gladiators do battle on the gridiron. It’s the start of a new year of commercials and the kickoff towards the next season and the upcoming NFL Draft. It’s the Super Bowl and anyone, who is anyone, watches…except me this year.

The entire week leading up to the big game I grew more and more distraught over missing a good portion of the game for a youth group night. On a side note, the moment I did turn on the game…the power outage happened. I pouted like a five year old not getting his way in the toy aisle. Think about it, it’s the Super Bowl, who doesn’t watch the Super Bowl?

Amidst my angst and animosity in the days leading up to kickoff I was asked to take part in a skit with two other core adults for the Jr. High group. The skit would take place the same night of the game, which was an unexpected and much needed surprise. It was a skit that highlighted a teenage girl who attempted to make time for her faith, but struggled with the onslaught of pressure from a close girlfriend persuading her to go to a party. She fit God into her life when it was convenient for her and her schedule. Here's the kicker though... I was asked to be Jesus. How's that for karma?

The girl in the skit was asked why she couldn’t come out to the party, what she was doing and why she was being so weird, but she was too afraid to share what she was doing…praying. She made up an elaborate story, lied about what she was doing and put aside what was important for something “better” and more “fun.” How fitting that it was the night that I was all worked up for missing the first half of the game here I am playing the part of Big Gunz in a skit about prioritizing our life?

It was a humbling reminder, and a figurative quick kick to the face, that I still struggle with, like many of you, where I allow pride and self-interest get in the way of what matters most. Living a moral life, spending time serving others, etc. Just a couple days prior I had thrown a pity party for one, because I would miss out on a couple funny commercials and a touchdown or two and then I was asked to play Jesus in a skit about prioritizing our lives.

There's those subtle reminders we get when are besides ourselves, holding ourselves back from being a better person, a more supportive friend, the best son or daughter, you get the point. Where we get so caught up in what we think is most important, but really, in the grand scheme of things, fails in comparison of being able to spend more time with your family, to be able to give your self and time by bringing up arms or losing yourself in prayer. It's those simple reminders from God, life, an angel, whatever you believe that reminds us are true purpose among the chaos and grime of life and that's to love.


Until next time...

Grocery Shopping From Someone Else's Cart

Imagine shopping at the grocery store like you most likely do every week. Think about the list you write out or that's temporarily engrained into your mind. Am I out of milk? Do I need toilet tissue? How about more hummus? You venture through aisle after aisle and toss the items into your cart. The pile of groceries gets higher and higher as it consumes your germ infested metal cart you picked up in the parking spot beside your car.

The other day I was shopping at the grocery store and I saw the most bizarre occurrence. This gentleman walked away from his cart to search for items and as his back was turned this old lady - the typical purple haired lady that stood four feet tall, just able to see over her cart - parked her cart next to his and began picking items out of his cart. She surveyed the scene as she delicately placed items out of the way as she dug deep, every few seconds looking up to see if he was coming back. I was amazed by the buffoonery. It was as entertaining as it was joyfully intoxicating as I slowly moved in to get closer to the action. He would occasionally drop an item off at his cart as she stood near the cooler and when he'd walk away, his back turned from her, she'd go back at it and pick out items until he took his cart and walked off.

It's funny how a once self reliant society, forced to fight the good fight to get somewhere, has transformed into reliant of everyone else and dependent on getting it now. Entitled to the sweet rewards with half the labor. With the rise in technology and the demise of personal accountability, there's a direct association with the animosity we see on the roads, the discontent in our conversations and such hurtfulness broadcasted on the news. We've become accustomed to having items emailed to us and received in seconds. We are told that we can "get it your way" and have a million and one experts advertise their thoughts to us.

Like the lady in the grocery store, we've become too impatient to actually take the time to go about our way and achieve everything that we've put on to our figurative shopping list of life and accept that it might take some time. The woman, much like a lot of us, took a short cut to get things done quicker, but didn't even consider the effect it had on others, let alone how much time it would have taken to just push through it.

It's no surprise to me today in my life that I've grown so impatient and weak of heart that I often forget that in time good things happen, especially in terms of conquering even the weakest moments in my life. That if I trust in the Lord, through the good and the bad, I'll be able to follow that righteous path set forth. It is a simple, yet daunting task, to humble my heart and open my eyes to what it is I'm called to live out in my life. Just focus on the next three seconds and allow things to happen as they come, but never losing faith in what it is I'm to do.

This lesson I learned in the grocery store was a wonderful for me to think about as I prepare for Lent. A time in which we are called to give of ourselves in prayer, alms giving and fasting. To fast from the things that take us away from growing closer in faith and those things we consume our lives with the most. To give up alms so that we love others, by putting them before our own selves and to always give thanks through simple conversations with the Lord in prayer. It is in Lent that we remember that we're called to put to rest our pride and give thanks for what truly means most: life. The life that was sacrificed that we may live and the life that we've been called to live out. That instead of growing jealous and picking and choosing from what's in someone else's cart, we give thanks for the things we've been given and that we've collected in our own. That we humbly open our hearts for a Love that is so great. So pure. So authentic. For now is the time we focus on all the things we have jotted down on our shopping list and we fine tune the things we really think we need on it.

(This sounded so good in my head, but...)


Until next time...

A Mango For Your Thoughts

I learned a valuable lesson while at the grocery store the other day. It came to me by way of a mango mistake in the produce section. Upon noticing a sale on mangos and the onset of the flu I had to get multiple mangos for the vitamin C. In my hurried hysteria I grabbed the juiciest of tropical green goodness and delicately placed them all into one produce baggie. As I twisted it closed to place into my cart the entire bag ripped and the mangos, five of them, all broke loose from the bag quicker and louder than students busting loose from school for the summer. They crashed into my cart, clattering about as they knocked over cans of soup and the rest of my flu survival kit items.

In a graceful, and refined way, I glided across the shiny linoleum floor of the produce section away from the loud racket much like that of orchestrated choreography seen in an episode of Dancing with the Stars. As my ballroom routine came to a close I looked around to see if anyone had seen what I had done and just as I came to, I noticed a woman pushing her cart down the aisle that dead ended into where I was.

"Nice one," she called out as she applauded my blunder. "We've all done that before."

"Agreed. We've all done it," chimed in another lady from the other side of the fruit aisle. "But nicely done to come back from it."

Through the next three days of laying on the couch that scene kept playing out and got me thinking:

How often do we try to pile in too much into our day, our week, into our life and yes into our plastic produce bags, only too just have everything come undone and end up crashing down on us? Whether it's pushing ourselves too hard and we become ill or we hold in so much stress and anxiety only to just freak out. We all have fallen victim to such an unfortunate break.

We forget to just take things three seconds at a time. We tone out advice from scholars that remind us to "simplify, simplify, simplify." We ignore that "the ill-tempered stir up strife, but the patient settle disputes (Proverbs 15:18)" or that we are called to "rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer (Romans 12:12)."

For me, it took mangos gracefully interrupting a couple shopper's midday grocery experience with a produce dance party and three days of laying on the couch to think about it. Next time I'll know not to shove too much into such cheap plastic, but also the next time that I'm filled with a quirky concoction of emotions - at work, when life throws down the hammer or if I'm struggling with five large mangos - I can be that sea of calm in a storm of chaos. Unfortunately it took unplanned mango madness and a bit of humility for me to learn this lesson.

An Angel on a Park Bench

We all have had moments when we had an angel appear in our lives. Maybe during one of those whoa moments where you knew you had an angel on your side. Like the moment you swerve to avoid hitting something in the road, a split second decision you made where you were amazed you could even think to do that. One of those moments where you could say you had your guardian angel with you.

I've felt bored these past couple of weeks. Bored with the thought of what is and wanting what could be. Bored thinking about the adventures - work, spiritual and fun - I want to be out doing, while tired of planning the ones I will set out for this year, just not during these winter months. I've felt smothered, and weighed down, by the confines of an office. Scared by the reality of not being able to explore as much as I should. Explore the world, explore the depths of my desires, explore my life and its purpose.

It was my goal this weekend to spend my entire Saturday hiking. It was to become my day to turn off my phone as quick as I could turn off my brain from anything that wasn't related to the trail and the world around it. I had longed for a day where it was me alone on the trail, engulfed in God's pure joy and the simple beauties that is nature. My mind raced with thoughts of future trips. I day dreamed, like a five year old, about how cool it would be to star in a survival/ adventure documentary that would be a mix of 180 Degrees South and a show on NatGeo, with a soundtrack reminiscent of the "I'd Rather Be Hiking" mix from my iPod.

As I was hiking along a portion of the trail I had come across a fellow hiker - which will be another post soon - and we shared a refreshing conversation about simplifying our lives and exploring more of what life has to offer, as we hiked along together. As I listened to her speak so passionately about wanting to set off on more adventures and her desire to enjoy exploring life in general, I caught my mind wandering off on things in my own life. Mainly the sense of boredom, but mile after mile I became deep in debate in my head about where it is God wants me to be and where I want to be. I thought about the lessons I'm supposed to be learning from it and Him, and if I'm even heading in the right direction...and then it hit me. I found my angel.

There it was, a snowman angel sitting on a bench out in the middle of the trail. On the particular path I was following sat passionately an angel to greet me along my journey. It was a simple reminder that regardless of where we think we are or how we feel we are doing there is always an angel there to walk with us along the way. The simple gesture to help us remember that God is there with us every step of the way. Whether we get it right or not, whether we are close friends or a voice from far off in the distance. He is everywhere. Walking along the trail with us as we follow the path before us. Sometimes we need to be reminded that and for me it came in a life size snowman angel waiting for me along the trail.


Until next time...

I Know I'm Not A Manly Man, Which Makes Me More of a Man Than You

The word man is defined as: One possessing in high degree the qualities considered distinctive of manhood(2)obsolete: the quality or state of being manly: manliness.

Many people have their own definition of what this word means and what it entails "to be a man." Others believe that they are the definition of what it means to be dubbed: a manly man. We envision that burly stead to have the swagger of Frank Sinatra, the charm of every Disney prince, the sense of adventure of Hemingway, Jesus' abs and discipline, the stories of the Dos Equis guy and the beard of Zeus or that of Allan from The Hangover. That's a lot for us men to aspire to, especially in an era that is calling for true manliness.

Last week at work I made a sad attempt of being a "man" by attempting (strong emphasis on attempt) to put together a bookshelf in my boss' office while she was out on vacation. The gigantic feat of masculine proportions was time consuming, horribly confusing and clearly suited for someone of much more exuberant manliness than what I brought to the tool box. It was an epic fail on my part and I fell victim to the manliness roadblock of an Office Max shelving unit.

As I reflected on the sad attempt of manliness I realized that I had been humbled to the tenth degree by such an easy task. I loathed the bastard bookshelf for hours as it stared at me every time I passed by her office door. It sat, scattered in her office, boasting its conquest over me as I'd pace by during the afternoon. It celebrated its victory over me each time an office member would walk by her office to see it sitting on the floor in pieces and come into my office asking how I was progressing with the project after I had raised the white flag in defeat.

It was then that I realized that one skill that trumps any attribute of what we claim creates "manliness," is humility. The ability to accept defeat, but press on. That moment where you can say I messed up or I am not able to do this. It is in humility that we are better equipped to forgive, to lead others and to move on from the hardships that arise, like failing at putting together a simple bookshelf. That was when I realized that I know I'm not a manly man, which makes me more of a man than you...But I'm still working on the humble part though, but aren't we all. I think another thing I'll work on in this New Year is my humility, because in the wise words of a dear friend, "I am the humblest person I know."


Until next time...