Prayer: Put Up and Shut Up

To whomever is listening:

It’s me again. It seems like life is tossin’ me a bunch of crap and I'd much prefer you toss me something better, like a well deserved break or even a nice cold one from time to time. Aside from my personal problems you know already know about the Browns are forcing me to lose hope, the Buckeyes defense failed to show up in the big game just like my ‘A game’ failed to show up on my last date and all this reading for school is making me go mad; not to mention, now that I’m 28 my knees seem to be cracking more and my hair is thinner (Just out of curiosity why didn’t you create man to have a flawless mane like Beckham?).  I digress, you know this is all starting to become pretty overwhelming…

Too often we pray as if The Big Guy is our own personal therapist who is on call 24 hours a day. We unload our problems and ramble on about what’s on our minds. We act as if we’re talking to Dr. Phil who will magically give us instant feedback on how to get our life put back together. Our prayers often become a wish list of good health for the ones who are hurting and all the ‘what if’s’ in our lives, but when it comes down to it how often do we pause in prayer and let the One who is always lending an open ear add it’s two cents worth?

The beauty about prayer is that it’s powerful and the amazing thing about God is that there is always someone listening, but like any healthy relationship there must always be two way communication. It’s impossible to hear anything when we’re making all the noise and unfortunately it’s too easy for us to forget that. Do you hear what I'm saying?

We are told in Scripture that as we pray we must find that ‘inner room’ and close the door and pray to God in private. Meaning, that we are to find that place where we can be away from friends, foes and fears and find that place in our hearts to cry out to him sincerely and in secret. When praying we don’t need to babble or use many words because our Father already knows what we need before we even think to ask him (Matt 6: 5-8).

If we can just remember to simply pray and then listen we are eventually destined for hope, for guidance and for so much more. Maybe not today or tomorrow or when we'd like it to be 'due' by, but eventually. On God's time. First we must conquer praying with simplicity and with devotion so we can avoid a rambling ‘woe is me’, Dear Abby prayer. Then as we find that simplicity and purpose we have to shut our trap and listen…probably the hardest part. But hey, remember the Big Guy already knows what we need before we ask so let’s just start listening.

Until next time…

God the Comedian: An Eternal Last Laugh

An adaptation of my first major grad school paper, ‘Ideal Image of God,’ including references to the Incarnation, Trinity and Gift of Grace.

Every day it appears that a lot will take place that we don’t understand. Whether it’s another broken heart, a failed project at work or just a discouraging chapter of your life, there is a lot that is thrown our way that we ask “why” or question how God could allow it to happen to us. Like when you’ve begun dating someone and everything seems to be going so well. You pray that you’re making the right decision of being with her or that something can grow from this and that she might be blessed with clarity in her decision as well. Only to learn she met someone prior and things progressed, see you later dater or for unexplained reasons you decide to skip a show you’ve been waiting to come to town and you end up getting drinks, consoling a friend in need. It seems that we have times in our lives where we are berated by bad jokes by the Big Guy and when you least expect it, it all makes sense…eventually.

That is why God can be seen much like a really bad comedian. The kind where joke after joke you struggle to understand what’s going on. The type where you’re unable to comprehend the point and fail to grasp the purpose, but at the end of each set He closes with a real zinger – a real doozy of a joke that leaves you hungry for more and motivates you to go out to proclaim its greatness.

As Christians we know that God has done a lot of unexplainable things for the world, for the Church, and in our daily lives; many things we can’t even fathom when we experience them. The author of our Divine Comedy gave us the always confusing endowment of Free Will, created the Heavens and the earth, gave us the sun and the moon, and at one time experimented with the concept of the duck billed platypus. But what may be one of the most impressive of God’s contributions towards our lives is what I’ll refer to as the opening act of the routine: The Incarnation.
The Incarnation was the moment when the Word – God’s message – was made flesh so that we might know His love for all of us. The Word became the model of holiness; a real life model to emulate. We passionately profess this belief in the Incarnation when we confess in the Nicene Creed “for us men and for our salvation He came down from heaven; by the power of the Holy Spirit, he became incarnate of the Virgin Mary, and was made man.”

According to the Catechism, the Word became flesh for us “in order to save us by reconciling us with God, who ‘loved us and sent His son to be the expiation for our sins’” (Catholic Church 457). Because there would be many times in our lives where we would falter to our fears and cave to our temptations we were given this real life example of how to live out our lives. Much like a 3D version of “The Idiots Guide to Living a Holy Life”, God gave us The Teacher of all teachers; the most righteous of role models for us to imitate in our daily lives. So that not only would we have the Word to follow, we were given the way, the truth and the life in His only son, Christ. We as one Church are called to live the life that God showed us in word and in flesh, which brings us to God’s shtick of the great comedic routine.
It is through the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) that we experience God in three forms. This can be seen not just as the shtick, but as the avenue in which the punch line and routine are lived out throughout the entirety of the routine. God knew we would struggle throughout our lives with many of the hurdles put before us and the word became flesh so that we might know God’s love. Instead of sitting in the comforts of His apostolic palace in the clouds, laughing at our regular bouts of ridiculousness, we were given God’s love through The Word, His only son and through the Holy Spirit. We know that God chose to reveal Himself and make known to us – and for us – the hidden purpose of His will. The Vatican II document Dei Verbum tells us that it was through Christ that the Word was made flesh so through the Holy Spirit, we as followers would have access to the Father and ultimately come to share in the divine nature of God’s presence in our lives (DV #2).

As we struggle to grasp our shortcomings, we are given all the tools to attempt to handle the difficulties. With the help of the Father’s Word and the example of His son, it is the Holy Spirit that can guide us to a better understanding of what mountains lay before us; never leaving us on our own to conquer them. Although at times it will feel like we are inching closer to the edge of that mountain or that we’re to go it alone on a deserted island to fend for ourselves, we always have our Mickey yelling at us from the corner of the ring as we go fifteen rounds with life (Rocky Balboa reference #1) it just takes time to hear it.

A story comes to mind that I recently heard from a young woman who is working as a missionary with NET. She had mentioned that her younger brother, who once was a believer and devout Catholic, turned away from his faith just as many young adults do. For years she prayed for him to come back to his faith and would frequently encourage her brother to open his ear to God’s call. Then one sleepless night he had a dream where Jesus made a guest appearance. Christ entered his dream that night and told the young man that He is with him wanting him always and to come back the Lord. The next morning he awoke and with no explanation, aside from the dream, believed once again.

It is moments like that dream which exemplifies God’s presence through the Holy Spirit. It is through a dream, a moving conversation with a friend (even when missing a quality show you were dying to see), or a gracious act of a stranger when we least expect it, that reminds us that the Holy Spirit is present in our lives always. It is the Holy Spirit that humbles us at the end of a bitter onslaught of craziness that comes our way. Just another way the Lord will continue to throw so much our way, but be there for that last laugh as it hits us that He is along for the rollercoaster ride with us.
Like every good standup routine there comes the closer, the takeaway, the spirit of the set that stays with you after the experience. In this case it comes in the form of God’s grace. In order for us to grow in our faith “the grace of God and the interior help of the Holy Spirit must precede and assist, moving the heart and turning it to God,” (DV #5) which opens our eyes in time of need and fills our hearts with joy in times of sorrow. We all come across rough patches in our lives that leave us empty and lost, afraid of what might be, but according to Gaudium et Spes it is only by the aid of God's grace that we can bring such a relationship with God into full flower (GS # 13).

It is through experiencing God fully in the Trinity that we can receive His grace and like a good joke we then take it to share with others. As we proclaim the joke or an experience of God in our life, we share God’s grace. “Grace works in an unseen way” (GS #31) in the hearts of all those we meet. Since our calling is to live a divine life here on earth we are to believe the “Holy Spirit, in a manner known only to God, offers to every man the possibility of being associated with this paschal mystery” (GS #32).

Too often do we as followers of God find ourselves blinded by the hesitations and disbeliefs of what is taking place in our lives. Yet God calls out in the Gospel of John “my sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand” (John 10: 27-28). How many times do we fail to hear the punch line and see the point? We bear to withstand a barrage of bad jokes only to be struck in our heart the passionate punch line of God’s hope and joy.

A couple of years ago I found myself out east backpacking the White Mountains. A month removed from being a youth minister and recently out of a devastating relationship I questioned God every day. One day as I sat meditating at the summit of Mount Washington I found myself engulfed in a thick afternoon fog so I closed my eyes and prayed some more. I asked “Lord, how can I continue going on if I don’t ever get a sign from you that I’m doing what you want me to be doing?” What felt like hours later I opened my eyes to find that the fog had lifted, the sun shone brightly and a bald eagle flew before me. There was my sign and there was God ending His set for me with the zinger that left me breathless and my veins full of His grace after taking on a bitch of a beating for months. It was as if Christ spoke not just in Scripture but to me through the Holy Spirit on the mountain and said, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matt. 14:31).

Whether God is actually the greatest comedian of all time, but we fail to understand the buildup before the punch line, or if it’s simply that God is just a really bad comedian who ends with a real zinger - one thing is for sure, we are loved. No matter what is tossed our way we are never to go it alone. Through the Grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit we are continually led by our Creator and shown the way through the Word, examples Christ lived for us, and in the grace shared through those around us. Although there is still a lot of questions left unanswered and what feels like lonely mountains to climb, I'm assuming the punch line of the second coming can only be pretty epic.



Until next time...

An Ode to Grad School...and a lack of a social life

The best journeys answer questions that in the beginning you didn't even think to ask.

This fall I began grad school to study theology. Through the next couple of years of late nights studying, countless hours with my nose in books and spending money I don't have, I will earn a piece of paper saying I am a theologian. For me this will be a journey that will truly test my faith, strengthen my relationship and make me question my Church. Unlike other grad programs this will be a field that will encompass more than just one's self academically, but so much more. It will shape the essence of my whole self in the most authentic and spiritually demanding ways that I can think of.

Yvon Chouinard, founder of Patagonia, said in one of my favorite documentaries 180 Degrees South something I'll carry with me through this next chapter of my life. He said that while on a journey you must engulf your whole self in the the truest sense to fully experience all it has in store for you. He brought up the hard truth of those who fake their way through the ultimate journey (in this case climbing Everest) saying that many high powered plastic surgeons and CEO's shell out loads of money to take an easy way up Everest; getting everything from ropes laid out in advance to mints on their pillows. He goes on to say that "the whole purpose of planning something like Everest is to effect some sort of spiritual and physical gain and if you compromise the process, you're an asshole when you start out and you're an asshole when you get back."

Today I face my Everest. I stand at the foot of this massive mountain of doubt, struggle and reward, and currently I am unable to see the summit or anything that resembles my mountaintop. As I begin to build upon a sturdy foundation of my faith I am challenged to climb my Everest, the study of theology. It's time for me not just to purchase books and write papers, but have my spiritual and physical gain, remaining authentic through my experiences and disciplined during the process or I risk beginning as an asshole and walking across that stage in a couple years to be handed a piece of paper reminding me I'm still an asshole...and broke.

The fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all...when the journey seems to throw switchbacks your way and it all becomes too much, that is when the adventure begins. As I begin to take on my Everest I am thankful for the support of friends and family, the grace flowing freely through this process and for having a hell of a good pair of hiking boots to tackle such a mountain.

Goodbye social life. Hello opportunity. Farewell fun weekend and greetings coffee shops and hipster baristas (oxymoron?). This is grad school. This is my Everest and I intend not to compromise the process.



Until next time...

The Crosswalk Conundrum

Last night I was riding my bike home from the library along one of the area's busiest roads. Anyone who knows me can vouch that I choose to ride as much as I can to complete errands, work out or just for fun. Although I was crossing the street with the 'walk' symbol, I nearly got taken out by a car turning on red that ironically sported a bright yellow "Look Twice for Bikes" bumper sticker on the back window. I'm not sure what stuck out more about the driver's interest in biking, his cautionary bumper sticker or his bike that was in tow, securely fastened to the bike rack. None the less my near brush with death came from the same tights wearing, Lance Armstrong wannabe who shares the love of the open road like me. A kindred spirit who understands the frustrations and dangers of cycling on the cement raceway of back country roads, yet who failed to practice what his bumper sticker - and ultimately his overall personal belief - preaches: Look twice for bikes.

It's like when you are driving on the highway and a Mom in a minivan comes blaring past you and shoots you a mean glare and a few choice words, because you were only doing five over in the fast lane. Yet as she speeds past you her silver fish emblem on the back of her four wheel chariot stares you down in joyous, loving humiliation and her bumper sticker asks "What Would Jesus Do?". In similar fashion, we all have folks in our lives who broadcast their faith by acting all high and mighty while leading committee after committee at Church, school and in other extracurriculars, but on Saturday morning are the ones going nuclear on the soccer ref because their little Messi doesn't know a goal from a hole in the ground.

Just the other day a friend had mentioned to me how a close girlfriend of hers had been involved in her Church years ago. She said that her friend and her husband had been on committees, helped at Mass almost weekly and knew most, if not all, of the parishioners. Her friend's husband cheated on her and ultimately left her...so did her Church "friends."

The sad truth is we often forget what we have had preached to us and what we preach towards others. Much like the bike enthusiast who nearly drove me off the road in his Volvo, we forget the things we try to live out daily (i.e. Look Twice for Bikes...unless I'm in my own car). We've all heard these stories of reasons why friends or family members have left a Church because the Church turned on them. When in all reality the Church never did anything. The dutiful 'disciples' of the Church did. It's the ol' mentality of "I'll practice what is preached only when it is convenient for me...or else I'll do what I want."

If we are truly called to love one another (John 13:34) and know that love is of God; and every one that loves is begotten of God(1 John 4:7) then it is time to live it. Not when it fits into our schedule or helps us to gain support, but in all circumstances. It's time to live out what we broadcast to others. Live. A. Life. Worth. Loving.

So your bumper sticker says "What Would JC Do?" I'll tell you what he'd do, he'd love always, often and upon everyone. Your JC bling you wear every day broadcasts for all to see your unyielding love and admiration for the guy and that you are not just invested in a lot of accessories, but you're a disciple. Committed to his teachings, a believer in his ways and a lover of all. Great, now live it. And let's say your car sports a bike rack, fancy road bike and a bumper sticker that says "Look Twice for Bikes"...then I strongly suggest you look twice for bikers. Don't preach it when you're on your bike and forget it behind the wheel of your Volvo. It's time for us all to look twice, live once and love always.


Until next time...

The Grad School Stranglehold of Grace

The other night I finished my financial aid papers for grad school. My evening consisted of sifting through mind numbing paperwork and filling out government forms about student loans. On the eve of putting a studies induced stranglehold on my spending and a stop payment on my Adventure Fund, I also received my first bill from the university. If filling out all those forms about how much I’ll owe wasn’t enough to make my palms sweaty, stomach turn and my wallet shed some pounds the $2,000 initial payment did the trick.

All evening I second guessed my decision and stressed about my financial future for the foreseeable future. My mind raced quicker than the loans will be filed. “What did I get myself into,” I asked myself repeatedly. “Is this even the right ‘next step’ for me?” I asked. Since I’m going to study Theology this better be what the good Lord intends that I do. Needless to say it was an exhausting evening.

As I attempted to gather myself I was interrupted by a text from a teen that I had often met with while serving as Youth Minister. She would always come to events, asked great questions, made my job hell at times and would have weekly office visits to unload her thoughts, opinions and stresses of being a high schooler. She just ‘wanted to say hi,’ but past conversations that started like that indicated more than that. I asked how she was doing, and after hearing a generic response, I asked again, only to learn that her high school stress was now the realities of a life of a young woman dealing with much more as a young adult.

In respect to her I’ll skip much of the details and simply say that she faces many grueling mountains I could not even bare to ever face. I was empathetic to things going on in her life and for nearly two hours we texted back and forth. It wasn’t until I was lying in bed later on that I realized that our conversation had completely calmed my nerves from earlier. Here I was questioning my decision of going back to school for a degree that to many seems useless. It was the humbling way of having the Big Guy share His grace in my Life and that subtle, yet in your face, sign that maybe I should work on the whole 'surrendering thing' that He calls us to do.

As I spent an evening questioning Him and what I think He wants me to do He gave me that gentle jab to my ego to remind me that it is His will that shall be done. The most loving and compassionate I have felt in quite some time came at the tail end of an evening that was full of second guessing, anxiety and the fear of the unknown in my future. Then my mind was quieted, my heart opened and myself humbled. It's funny how things work out and how He works in our lives.

I've always said that the Big Guy is like a comedian...a really, really bad comedian. The kind where the jokes don't make sense or often times it takes a long time to think about the punchline. But after an onslaught of bad jokes he ends his set with a real zinger. The anticipated bazinga moment leaving you smiling and full of life. In this case I'm still deciding if this is the first of many one liners before the zinger or if this is this just the opening act. Either way I'm just excited to be here for the act.


Until next time...

Livin' la Vida...?

Here's a morbid, yet fun thought (in a twisted kind of way): Have you ever thought about how you might one day die? Seriously, think about it. When I left work today a nice thunderstorm rolled in. Bright bolts of lightening electrified that gusty late afternoon sky and I couldn't help but think to myself what if I were to get struck right here, right now by lightening? That would straight up suck. Game over. That simple, somewhat unsettling question made me think though. How will I one day die? Would it be in a stampede of wild animals off on a hike somewhere (that's an honorable and manly way to go), would it be heroic final act or would it be peaceful. Beyond the sickening thoughts another popped into my mind. However I may one day go, how will I be remembered? How will the way that I lived my life shape my legacy?

Think about it...really, just think about those two questions.

Frank Sinatra tells us that we have to "enjoy livin' cuz dyin' is a pain in the ass" and "that's life." But is it. Another interesting thought came into my mind earlier today. If someone asked me today "what do you do for living?" how would I answer that question? Again, think about that one. Chew on it for a minute. Would you state your profession. "Well, I'm a (fill in the career..." or would you say "You know what? I never gave it much thought."

I thought about that today and I haven't settled on one good answer. It's too tough. On the surface the easiest answer(s) would be that I'm an events coordinator and I'm a youth minister (kinda). But in all reality that's not 'my living.' I know the government tells me to live to pay taxes and keep the country running. I'm told by society to live to work, to marry and to one day retire. I know that spiritually I'm called to offer myself as a 'living sacrifice,' to worship and not conform my life to this world, but to discern the will of God (Romans 12:2) and blah blah blah.

Because this thought followed me most of the afternoon, coupled together with the thought of being struck by lightening and the legacy I'd leave behind, I realized what I believe to be the start of what my living is:

What do I do for a living? Well, first off I live. I live each day in case it were my last, like I might not wake up tomorrow morning. I live each day to love (unless you're a gal I've gone out with and never called me back), to serve those in need and please those around me, those I meet and everyone else I may stumble across. I might not always be patient, appropriate or friendly, but sure as hell give it the old college try. For a living I attempt to be a compassionate companion in the rat race of life (unless you tailgate me). I live to learn from my mistakes (and I'm sorry to those I've hurt along the way or failed). My living is to one day find all the riches of the world, achieve my purpose and pass the final exam of life that determines if my 'living' was truly lived out... to get into the country club high in the sky known as Heaven. For I know that all things work for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28).

In the wise words of Mr. Ricky Martin we should be "livin' la vida loca," also known as live the crazy life...for me it's to livin' la vida Lofy, livin' the Lofy life (whatever that may be). Today, think about your life and what you do for a living. What's the legacy you'll live behind; Based off the life you lived how will you be remembered? Think about it and when it starts to make sense think about it some more, because you don't know. I'm still thinking away. Smoke is coming out of my ears right now I'm thinking so hard and I've already begun to write amendments and edits to what my living is. And remember just keep livin' la vida...



Until next time...

Social ME-Di-UH!

It’s not news to hear that Social Media rules our day and age. Look at any print advertisement and you’ll see an accompaniment of logos for Social Media sites. We’ve become consumed by the craze, which for some has become second nature behind breathing and eating. Professionally we believe that the more Social Media the more support from consumers. Personally, we believe the more we update the world on our love life, personal accomplishments and motivating song lyrics the more satisfied we feel…like we are some sort of D-list celebrity with important things to share with the world. A friend recently posted that “Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it and nothing has changed.” Social Media has become a constant in our daily lives and our daily lives have been constantly planned around Social Media.

It’s also no surprise that as we broadcast to the world, and to our ‘friends’ that follow us, we also open ourselves to the risk of a world of hurtfulness and all the stressing over how we stack up towards our friends, all the while diluting our ability to actually be able to handle true relationships with others. I think my friend’s post was wrong. Facebook is like the fridge of a bachelor (i.e. Me), I’ll keep putting food into it and keep checking it, but it always leaves me empty.

If it’s so easy to open up to ‘friends’ and complete strangers through Social Media why is it such a struggle for many to warm up to broadcasting our thoughts, thankfulness and temptations to someone who truly follows us every hour of every day? He tells us that whether He remains seen or distant in our own lives we should strive to conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of the faith of the gospel (Phil 1:27-28). It is only when we draw near in confidence towards His grace that we may one day receive His mercy and find His grace in our time of need (Hebrews 4: 16). The man is practically an inspirational status update generator for those pick me up quotes when we’re down…and the best part is we don’t have to sign in to read them, there’s no passwords keeping us from them and there’s no pesky updates we don’t understand because His grace hasn’t changed for two thousand years.

As technology grows, Social Media becomes more and more ingrained in our daily lives. The faster life picks up the more stress we put upon ourselves to keep up with these needs. The more stressed and stretched thin, the easier it is to consume ourselves with the needs of x, y and z. With that brings personal pain, social stresses, loneliness and the abandonment of our pride. Now is the time for us to pull back from the poking, posting and pain of Social Media and begin forming true relationships, one’s that don’t leave us empty. Relationships built on love, compassion and purpose. It is the Holy Spirit who says, “I love those who love me (Proverbs 8:17),” “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest (Exodus 33:14),” and the One who says “through prayer be social with me, duh! (This guy).”